In this most recent lunar eclipse, I had a day or two there where I went for a flight in my subconscious, a mental sore through my mind. All day long I watched the time. I saw numbers and signs everywhere I looked. It was probably the most eye-opening and mindful day of my entire life. I have always had an appreciation for math, but I’m more of an Astrology gal, not a numerology nerd, okay? I never really “appreciated” the value of our numbers symbolically until I started to understand more about geometry. Especially when applied to spiritual teachings, the sacred geometry of life and the language that math is to Nature. And that actually made more sense to me, considering my love for Astrology. What this had in common was the Nature of the Universe and Gaia. The commonality of spirit, science, cycles, and nature.
Okay, so I like numbers a little more now. How did this apply to my
loony, I mean.. Lunar Days?
Well, I started to be very playful, and mindful, within my mind and memories. At this time, I had recovered a lot of old memories of my past and was confronting a lot of self-worth issues head-on. I was learning a lot about why I do the things I do, and where the habit originated from. This would then trigger emotional responses, which I accepted and transformed from. Then moments of realization that wash over you like a shower of new, calming energy. Although drained from these experiences, I was learning a lot about myself and my mental space. No more mind games, with anyone, but especially myself.
To some, I had to even ask “Please don’t think of me in this way anymore, I love you, forgive me? I’ve learned and so have you, I forgive you too. Let it be as it is, I’m here when you’re ready. Please accept me as I am.”
Read Post: Forgiveness Causes Healing
And others, I had to straight cut out completely in a very brutal way, “If you do not ask then you have no right to tell. Assume nothing. I will not stand in the face of lies, remove me from your minds completely.” The difference is one is in love and the other in hate, but there is something to be said about the way others “think about you” that affects you as a person.
There’s some truth to the idea that “it doesn’t matter what other people think of you, love yourself”. To counter this, I think if you apply this a step further and realize that everything is made of energy, which is greatly affected by thoughts. My personal opinion backed by my understanding and manipulation of thoughtful intention using energy, that people are connected energetically, and that they do influence each other! Dare I say telepathically if there is an energetic cord or connection built here in the first place, which is often the case with partners and intimate relationships. Especially if in close proximity, or family/friend networks. To allow anyone -anyone!- to cause you psychic harm, whether aware or unaware – this is uncalled for and in the negativity of envy or anger, must be stopped. You can choose to cut ties and ward that off at any time, in the name of Self Love and Respect of Yourself.
To think of the “number of times” that I stood in the face of lies, and how many times I tried to defend this in my outside world. It still wasn’t enough to shake me up on the inside. I thank these people for revealing to me what I so needed to face within myself. May the same occur for you in Time. I love you, respect you, and will keep a distance until you care to know my truth.
I will know you are when you ask me instead of telling me, Who I Am. – Reader, can you relate? (If so, feel free to comment below) Re-evaluate those who are negatively sending you their bad-vibe-BS!
– My advice is to politely shut the door and say,
“Speak to me when you ready to love me for me, please knock first.”
Musical Influence: NIN – Beside You In Time – Which could also be sung as ‘me’ vs ‘you’
Who am I this time?
Well, I have ALWAYS been the type of person to NOT pay attention to the time. Like, ever. To the point of it being a flaw… But! … I’m good at math!
If you ask me what time it is?
I’m going to say “day time” or “night time”,
depending on if the sun or moon is casting down its light
at the time that the question of time is asked…
Yummy mind food?
No joke, but my dad’s ringtone on my phone sounds off in a robotic tone, “Your Father. Is Attempting. To Reach You. Pick Up. The Phone. Now. Repeats” x3
Keyword there is “attempting”… I rush to the phone when I hear this ringtone because it reminds me to pay attention to what I care the most about – he is one of those people. So Yea, I have an obnoxious ringtone that is guaranteed to make me guilty for not answering haha!
I tend to “not notice” a lot about my life because I am a very “zoned” person.
What I’ve transmuted this into though, is a realization that I can be an extremely focused individual. And in this way, I am very dedicated to what I am doing at the time. This is not a bad thing, it’s just that people don’t understand my uninterest in multitasking, truly. I’m not good with details if I can’t focus, and this is difficult in such a chaotic world that constantly demands our attention away from what we are doing. (I hate micromanagement, don’t even get me started.)
Here is the thing. Growing up thinking I was “emphatic” had led me to develop a “shut down” or “numb” or “turn off”, a Mental Switch, somewhere in my mind space. I can just tune out the world, almost on command, but it’s fairly subconscious at times. I am great at tuning things out if I’m thinking intently.
I’m progressively training this Focused State now in relation to time and attention. I am more aware of my ‘limits’ with this state as well. Energy is used to maintain this mental state, so it’s obvious that the physical body can only maintain it for so long without energy depletion much like if someone was to do physical activity with the body. The body-mind needs rest in both cases.
Some people talk to themselves out loud, I just talk to myself within.
I think talking to yourself is a really natural thing to do!
Something else I’ve learned, and maybe I had to be “told” a few times that I wasn’t until I believed it… With that said, ‘The voices in my head are real, and I’m not crazy’. I have come to accept and acknowledge that it really is all of my own creation in my own world and that the only one that will ever understand that the world is me. And in these “dark nights,” I have come to terms with these characters. (I recognize certain archetypes from inner fantasies.) I’ve sat with, talked with them, and spent time understanding my inner workings and intentions because of this. I am now more aware than ever, of who it is I am meant to help and why it is me that can. The lessons within are profound, and if you put your mind and heart into action then you will come to understand your own purpose too.
It’s just a matter of when…
Okay so, I really DO have an issue with TIME.
What did I do?
- I took a day to watch the time, and notice numbers. Throughout out the entire day, I mindfully watched for numbers, with my phone at the ready!
- I would note what I was thinking about when I noticed the time or a number in my environment, and I’d look up on google “1230 meaning” and let my thoughts lead me.
- Sometimes I added them together to form a simple number (I got familiar with their meanings naturally after a time).
- I was shocked at what I learned about my thoughts, numbers, and spiritual guidance in every moment.
- I felt very aware of myself, and like I was instinctively coming to terms with myself and my plan as the day progressed. (I’m fairly spontaneous by nature, I don’t like to plan too much detail into my day. “Day Time” mentality.)
- This self-diagnosed experiment was earth-shaking to my soul. I learned a lot.
Since then, I have taken this a step further and started looking at dates, times, and other numbers/signs I saw and it really started to come together in a very profound way. I’m just in the mists of becoming a Teacher.
Thanks for reading,
Written in Love of the Number 6: Finding Balance In Your Life, or Following & Leading in Equal Partnership